Who is driving the Bus?
I was coaching a client the other day about how frustrated she was about what a difficult week she was having. Her day would start out good but then, no matter what she did, within hours she was a mess. She would get stuck in traffic, be late for work and appointments, and forget her lunch at home; her co-workers were mean, and her son was constantly texting with a problem. By two p.m., she was overwhelmed, exhausted, and ready to call it quits for the third day in a row.
At this point I was saying, “thank God.” If she had not had her terrible three days, then she wouldn’t be ready to learn from it all. We got together just in time to stop the madness of her spiraling up and down.
Through our conversation, I was able to quickly gather from her enough information to determine that she was choosing helplessness to drive her bus.
The bus is a metaphor that I use for our life and how we operate in our waking hours, minutes, and even seconds. Yes, seconds, because you and I both know that decisions and change can be made in a heartbeat.
This single mom is smart, energetic, and strong. Sometimes those are great attributes and sometimes they are heavy weights to bear.
Shadows of Expectations
When an Highly Sensitive Person is not allowing themselves/herself to be vulnerable and ask for help, then all those people around her have expectations about her. What can you expect, we trained them well, didn’t we? Yet, when HSPs are tired from not enough sleep or proper nutrition or time to themselves, then you can only guess what could happen.
The shadow of “not allowing others to see you weak” takes over and is allowed to drive the bus of your life.
We all have a bus that holds all the parts of us, and the bus has to have a driver. From the moment we wake up in the morning to bedtime, the bus is humming along through our day taking us wherever we need to go.
My client was starting her day off with the “responsible” driver that quickly changed to “frustrated” driver when she arrived late for work. As an HSP, she did not want to feel shame for being late so she let the helpless injured “please don’t hurt me” person drive the bus. When her coworkers and boss didn’t feel sorry for her, she labeled them as being mean.
What came next was her son constantly interrupting her “wounded” driver with requests to rescue him from his problems. She is torn between being a strong Mom to being a wounded HSP. A recipe for overwhelm and exhaustion.
Fortunately, we get to choose who is driving the bus at any given time. Sometimes it’s not going to be easy but my hope is that with the information that I have provided in this book, you will begin to know that there is hope for you and anyone else that you know who is Highly Sensitive.
Coaching Highly Sensitive People Hoe To Thrive In A Chaotic World