What? Is that just crazy, or what?
Why would anyone think that a disaster could help us have better lives?

It’s not crazy, or cynical, or even insensitive.

In fact, I actually identify with the traits and abilities of a highly sensitive person. Are you one too?

Over the years, I have learned, as I teach all my students, to decide when to feel and react deeply.
It’s a great feeling to be able to own your emotions instead of them owning you.

Closing your eyes and imagining a pretty box that I can throw those feelings into, tie a ribbon around it and place it on a shelf for later. I call this the Gift of Time Box.

Recently the planet seems to be having a bit of a tantrum. Devastating natural disasters multiple hurricanes, earthquakes, and dormant volcanoes spitting and spuming. Massively disrupting lives all over the world.

And then there was the horrible mass shooting in Las Vegas.

The first day was a horrible day of shock and worry.
Worry for friends that either lives in Las Vegas or were visiting. Until we heard that they are ok, we prayed for them all.
When my husband got home from work I was curled up watching a romantic comedy on Netflix.
I asked my husband to please not turn on the news. He knows me all too well and happily obliged.

The second day, again I purposefully did not turn on the TV.
Visiting Facebook, briefly to check in with people, was my only contact with the news.
Promising myself that I would not bombard my senses with all the bits and pieces of the tragedy until I could handle it.

Even now, as I write this, I cry tears of sadness for all the people that have been touched by this senseless act.

Though images were limited, my imagination is on fire.
I remind myself that HSP’s love to feel deeply. There is nothing wrong with me.
Deep sorrow and deep joy. We can’t help it, we are just born this way.
It can feel like we are being pushed and pulled all at once.
I don’t want to cry right now. But I have to.

Bad stuff will happen in our lifetime.
We will trust deeply and be hurt deeply.

We will love deeply and lose deeply.We will also experience deep joy and delight in the beauty of a child laughing, flowers blooming, and birds singing in the early morning. Being grounded in nature that surrounds us.

The question is, how will you be able to manage the emotions that go with them?

 

So by now the Gift of Time box is bulging with emotions, anger, sadness, fear, and hurt. No worries, it can handle all the emotions until my sensitivities are ready to embrace them.

The time will come when the emotions can be gently handled and that is when we can do something about helping those that have been affected by these disasters.

Will today be better? Time will tell. Maybe the Gift of Time box will come off the shelf today, maybe not.

 

Blessings,

Johnnie Urban

P.S. Another great read,  WHY THIS HIGHLY SENSITIVE PERSON SEEMS SO INSENSITIVE IN THE WAKE OF THE VEGAS SHOOTING

I sometimes question my courage.

The courage that is needed to raise a child
is certainly different from what is needed to
get out of bed in the morning. Some of us
have a hard time even doing that at times.

I remember when my children were approaching
driving age and each one told me that they did
not want to learn to drive. I was perplexed
because the minute I turn 15 ½ I couldn’t
wait to get behind the wheel of a car.

But when I asked them why, this is what they said,

“There are a lot of crazy drivers out there and
I don’t want to be out there with them.”

Mind you, they had no problem sitting in the
passenger seat as I drove them everywhere.

I’m thinking, at this point, it’s because they
felt safe from all the crazy drivers as long as
I was doing the driving.
I’ll take that compliment any day.

Most of us will agree that the courage needed
to speak in front of a group of people compared
to, well… almost anything- is completely unique.

There are lots of different reasons for why we are
scared to death of public speaking and all of them are valid.

Yet, if you think about it, don’t we find the courage
to do what we must do to get what we ultimately want?

Your BIG why just needs to be bigger then your fear.

It also can help if someone else is in the drivers seat
until your ready to fly on your own.

Blessings,
Johnnie Urban

More good stuff on: 

PS. All three of my children’s fear of crazy drivers disappeared
when they moved out and needed to transport themselves.

Disclaimer: no words were harmed but punctuation and dangling particles may have taken a hit.

16 Public Speaking Declarations, Affirmations and Incantations

There are both positive and negative types of affirmations. I’m sure many of us can remember as a child being told by a teacher, parent or coach that we didn’t have the ability to do something, or we were too fat, clumsy, etc. These unresourceful statements can stay with us in the conscious or unconscious mind, and we then reinforce them throughout our lives.

We say incantations to ourselves all the time. Powerful positive ones will always overpower and eliminate negative self-defeating ones.

Declarations are something you say that is a statement that you believe to be true. When you make a declaration about something it’s like you put your stake in the ground and there is no turning back.

Affirmations can be a powerful tool to help you to change your mood, state of mind and manifest the change you desire in your life.

Incantations are what we say over and over again until they become a part of our unconscious mind. When that happens then it is a part of us and our unconscious mind will automatically accept them and do everything in its power to help you achieve them.

If an unresourceful belief is deeply rooted in our unconscious mind then it has the ability to override a positive affirmation even if we aren’t aware of it. This is why for many people affirmations and incantations don’t seem to work, as their afflicted thought patterns are so strong that it knocks out the effect of the positive statement. So how can we add more muscle to an affirmation and incantation so that it has the power to triumph over our negative thinking? Here are some suggestions on how to make them work for you.

 

Four Steps to Make Affirmations and Incantations More Effective & Powerful

 

Step 1: Write out an affirmation on the positive aspect of your self-judgment. You may want to use a thesaurus to find more powerful words to beef up your statement. For example instead of saying, “I’m worthy,” you could say, “I’m remarkable and cherished.” After you have written your affirmation, ask a close friend or a coach to read it to see if they have any suggestions to make it stronger.

 

Step 2: Turn your affirmation into incantations. Speak the affirmation out loud for about five minutes, three times a day — morning, mid day and evening. An ideal time to do this is when you’re putting on your make up or shaving, so that you can look at yourself in the mirror as you repeat the positive statement. Another option that helps to reinforce the new belief and would be easy to do at work is to write out the affirmation several times in a notebook. Notice over time as you write it if your style of writing changes. This could be a clue as to how your mind embraces the new concept.

 

Step 3: Anchor the affirmation in your body as you are repeating it by doing something powerfully physical. Do the Super Hero power pose (see photo). Jumping jacks, pushups or if you can go for a walk or even a run.

Step 4: Get a friend or coach to repeat your affirmation to you. As they are saying for example, “you are remarkable and cherished” identify this statement as nurturing messages. If you don’t have someone who you feel comfortable asking then use your reflection in the mirror as the person who is reinforcing the healthy message.

 

My gift to my fellow speakers

Below you will find 16 powerful declarations that you can easily turn into your own affirmations and even incantations. These are the exact ones that I use for myself.

 

  1. Speaking is fun!
  2. Speaking is about service!
  3. I am a Master Networker!
  4. Speaking is about leading!
  5. I am a Powerful presenter!
  6. People love to give me money!
  7. Speaking is about connection!
  8. I am the #1 Expert in my field!
  9. My intention is to embrace speaking!
  10. I have important Knowledge to share!
  11. I give amazing value whenever I speak!
  12. I am a Confident, Charismatic speaker!
  13. Speak honestly with integrity and compassion!
  14. People love to buy my products and/or services!
  15. I earn a fortune powerfully speaking my passion!
  16. Speaking is about moving people to take an action!

 

“I give myself the green light to go ahead, and to joyously embrace the new.” —LOUISE HAY

Feminine Energy vs Highly Sensitive Person (HSP)

The other day I was eating lunch with some friends at an event.
Most of my friends are open to new progressive ideas and are educated in human psychology. Like me they are always curious about life experiences and are what we call life long learners.
As we were joyfully sharing what we were up to lately I opened up with the concept of writing a book to address the challenges highly sensitive people in today’s world.

Being curious they wanted to know more about what was a Highly Sensitive Person. I suspect that they wanted to know if they were Highly Sensitive. In the middle of my explanation of the traits and abilities of what an HSP has I was suddenly stopped, by one of my friends, and asked “Isn’t that just feminine energy?”

This is not the first time I have been asked that. It seems whenever I am talking to someone that is not Highly Sensitive they just don’t get it.

If the term feminine energy is new to you then I have some good news for you. I’m going to share with you, to the best of my ability what it is and how it differs from being an HSP.

FEMININE ENERGY

Everyone has both a masculine and a feminine side. For the purpose of this chapter I am leaving out the masculine explanation because I will only be comparing feminine energy and begin a Highly Sensitive Person at this time.
Being a HSP is not exclusive to women. There are just as many men that are born with the traits as there are women. But society dictates men are not supposed to possess the traits and women are. Both will suffer and be confused by this stereotyping.

As in most things there are varying degrees of feminine energy depending on the individual person, the culture they are living in, how they where raised as a child and your hormones.
The feminine side is based on a deep level of the value that you place on others. If you have a strong feminine side and place a high value on others, you are often giving and unselfish. You usually know what is good for people, and you tend to operate in ways that helps others, get what they want out of life. People feel comfortable around you because you give of who you are without pushing yourself on others.
Conversely if you have a weak feminine side, you place a low value on others, and you are not a giving person. You are isolated because you don’t want to share yourself or share anything you have. Also, you don’t take responsibility for actions and place blame on others for your problems.
A strong feminine energy often behaves in ways that are considered feminine in nature. You will do things that are giving and unselfish. This includes recognizing people’s basic human rights and allowing them live their life without interfering with those rights. Allowing people their basic rights includes letting them control their own life, letting them choose what they want to believe without being manipulated by you. The feminine side also includes having an enthusiasm and zest for life, and recognizing what things are worth getting enthusiastic about. It also includes being kind, compassionate, patient and responsive to the needs of others, and it includes the ability to limit the amount go energy you put into helping people, to keep from hurting yourself or draining your own energy.

There is a gathering aspect to feminine energy. Going back to the cavemen days where the hunters (men) went out with their physical strength, spears, knives and arrows to hunt for food and protect the family. The women, and weak men and children, would stay close to the cave and gather food from the ground, bushes and trees. They had to remember the details of where to find non-poisonous berries and clean water. They would stay close together to protect each other from a pouncing tiger or lion.
These are the basic needs for survival even to this day. Feminine energy today is still about gathering and staying together for survival and protection. It’s just looks a little bit different. In today’s world we see survival as being accepted into the group. We will gather together for lunch and give kind words and support even if we don’t mean it. Even go the restroom together.
An all important thing that happy and healthy feminine energy gathers and shares are details. Details about a person, a dress, a pair of shoes, who was at the party or a trip and when the time is right she will share it until your ears fall off.

Now let’s go back and do some comparing to the HSP and connect the dots.

WHAT BEING HIGHLY SENSITIVE IS NOT:
1. Emotionally immature
2. Self-centered
3. Unpredictable and unstable emotions
4. Over-dependent
5. Demanding and attention thirsty

CHARACTERISTICS OF HIGHLY SENSITIVE PEOPLE:
1. Have great imagination
2. Have great intellectual abilities
3. Are creative
4. Have a curious mind
5. Are hard workers
6. Are good problem solvers
7. Are extremely conscious and compassionate
8. Are intuitive, caring and spiritual
9. Have a strong sense of aesthetic awareness
10. Respect nature, art and music greatly
11. Have profound and intense sensations
12. Can access important information from the unconscious mind
13. Have a depth of understanding and feelings
14. Are objective and can see the bigger picture

A Highly Sensitive Person has similar traits to feminine energy when it comes to being conscious, caring and compassionate. There is also a correlation to having a strong sense of aesthetic awareness (shoes and outfit matching), and can access important information from the unconscious mind (intuition). Other than that there is not much else in common.

Your comments or questions are always appreciated. :)

Johnnie Urban

www.EverythingHSP.com