This is the second of six consecutive blogs where I am sharing The 6 Human Needs as taught by Tony Robbins (

As a graduate of the Robbins/Madanes Strategic Interventionist Coach Training program this has become my favorite core learnings from the program.

Last week I shared with you the first need CERTAINTY. This week I will be sharing with you the paradox UNCERTAINTY.

Challenges of the Highly Sensitive Person HSPARE YOU REALLY CERTAIN?
Can you remember when was the last time you were absolutely certain about every aspect of your life. You knew without a shadow of a doubt that everything was going to be all right.

Your bills were all going to get paid. Your spouse or child loved you no matter what. You were going to have a job tomorrow. Your health was perfect. How about trusting that, while you’re driving down the street or highway, the car on the other side of the white line was going to stay there?

How many of you like surprises? Most of you would say “Yea”.
But you need to think about ALL surprises not just the ones you want. Not all surprises are good ones. Some of us like to be scared a little and seek out scary movies and read scary novels. Some of us don’t even like to watch the evening news right before bed because it gives us nightmares.

New Life and Old Life Words on Red and Blue Road signCONFLICTING NEEDS
The 6 Human Needs are where I start when I begin to work with people who are struggling with their lives. I find that where there is a struggle there is a conflict in two of their top needs. Sorting out what is “out of wack” makes all the difference in how fast a person moves from chaos to thriving and getting the results they want.




All human beings share the same six basic human needs. These needs underlie all the choices we make in our lives.


The second need is for Uncertainty – for variety and challenges that exercise our emotional and physical range. Everyone needs some variety in life.  Our bodies, our minds, our emotional well-being all require uncertainty, exercise, suspense, and surprise.

Just as a sense of security is reassuring, so the excitement that comes from variety is necessary to feel alive. For some, variety may be satisfied by watching the news on television; others may seek extreme high-risk activities such as extreme sports.
Descriptive words for Uncertainty/Variety are: fear, thrills, instability, change, entertainment, suspense, exertion, surprise, conflict, and crisis.

Happy woman with bunch of flowersSENSITIVE PEOPLE
To a Highly Sensitive Person, having too much uncertainty and variety is overwhelming for them. It can be a major form of stress in their lives. Yet I know plenty of HSPs that have high energy jobs, careers, hobbies, and friends, and they do just fine. According to research, there is a subset of HSP. About 30% of all HSPs are to some degree known a High Sensation Seekers, or HSS.

I happen to score high as an HSS. I can get bored easily and want lots of variety. My challenge is to find a sweet spot where I don’t bite off more than I can chew. In other words, I must not overcommit to doing something and then not be able to follow through because I got too overstimulated and exhausted.



  • So now that you know what two of the six needs are can you begin to guess if you have any conflicts?
  • Where are you fearful in your life?
  • Are you trying to get certainty by trying to control too much?
  • Perhaps you are bored because too much uncertainty is scary.


Each pVisionerson is unique and different in where they fall on the scale of balance. Finding that balance for you is what I do.

Coaching people, just like you, the skill of how to create the balance they NEED everyday and for the rest of their lives.

“It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble, or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart.”

Johnnie Urban
Strategic Interventionist
Coaching Highly Sensitive People How To Thrive In A Chaotic World

Fire and Rain

It was early March of 2002, a little bit after midnight near the Queen Mary in Long Beach, California. I was walking barefoot in the worst rain storm Southern California has ever had, and I was freaking out. I was about to walk over hot coals for the first time in my life and I was freaking out because I was getting soaking wet.

As you can imagine, this particular night changed my life forever.

Something I Learned From Tony Robbins.
Back up a few months to November, 2001. At that time, I had been working as a hairstylist for about six years. I loved every aspect of my career. Helping people look and feel their best. Creating works of art with hair and the constant education helped propel me to become one of the top Master stylists in the area. It was not unusual for me to pick up a new client every week or so. And that is how I met a client that would change my life forever. Fast forward to March 2002, I was working on the hair of this new client when out of the blue she asked me if I wanted to attend a Tony Robbins four day Unleash The Power Within event. It was going to be in about a week and about 30 minutes from where I lived.


(If you haven’t heard of Tony Robbins, you can find out more at

Well, I hesitated and kinda said, “Ok?” when she stopped me and said, “Honey, if you say yes, then you have to go and I will get you a ticket.”

Now, I had followed Tony Robbins and read his book and even had an old cassette tape that I enjoyed. I never thought I would end up at an event. And now I was standing there in the pouring rain looking down on really hot coals that I was about to walk on.

This turned out to be a major turning point in my life. And I thank God every day for all the events that had to happen for that client and me to come together.
Since that first event, and every year after that, I have enjoyed attending at least three or more of Tony’s events as a crew member or a Senior Leader, helping support the transformation of thousands of people. I have also taken the steps toward joining Tony Robbins’ coaching team as a certified Strategic Interventionist. I can truly say life has never been the same.

Human Psychology Is Amazing
Because of what I have learned about human psychology and how to get people out of their pain fast, I have left the field of hair styling and am now a full time Life Success Coach and Strategic Interventionist.

How does a Highly Sensitive Person navigate all of this? That is exactly why I wrote this book (Stop The Madness, How the Highly Sensitive Person Can Thrive In a Chaotic World- To help you understand that you too can have a life of meaning and fulfillment.

Tony Robbins has taken human psychology into his teachings and uses the six human needs to help understand how we make decisions in our lives.
I have hundreds of stories about how understanding these 6 HN’s have saved marriages, a relationship with a teenage child, a relationship between a coworker and a boss. I believe they change the course of history in people’s lives.

All human beings share the same six basic human needs. These needs underlie all the choices we make in our lives.

The first need is for Certainty. We want to feel safe, avoid pain and feel comfortable in our environment and our relationships. Every individual needs to have some sense of certainty and security – a roof over one’s head, knowing where the next meal will come from, knowing how to obtain care when one is sick, knowing that a neighbor won’t attack us. These are just a few examples of what constitutes a basic sense of certainty.
Everyone needs certainty but the degree to which certainty is needed or desired varies from person to person. Some people feel secure living in one room and collecting an unemployment check. Others can feel certainty only if they make a million dollars each year. Even though some certainty is necessary to all of us, what constitutes certainty varies from individual to individual. Code words for Certainty are comfort, security, safety, stability, feeling grounded, predictability, and protection.

What It Means To A Highly Sensitive Person
An HSP’s need for certainty is especially high. Controlling their environment and other people can take on an obsessive quality if not kept in check with reality. There are extremes from one end of the spectrum to the other where one person may need to know every little detail about an upcoming trip to relieve their emotional stress and another HSP can relax with a limited amount of information knowing that whatever happens will be absolutely perfect. I see quite a few HSPs never having a long term, successful relationship with someone because there is no certainty in it. They will stay single the rest of their lives rather than take the risk of having an intimate relationship in their lives.

If you want to know what the other 5 Human Needs are sign up for my blog at
Each week I will write for your delight.

Johnnie Urban
Strategic Interventionist
Coaching Highly Sensitive People To Have Extraordinary Fullfilling Lives.

People are saying; “It’s about time!”, “What took you so long!”, “Congratulations, Job well done”

And before that they were saying; “You have so much information in your head and your heart, please get it out!”,  “When are you going to put that in a book?”

So here it is. And what a journey it’s been. Like a roller coaster ride that you’re excited to go on but scared of because you don’t know exactly where it’s going and when it’s going to stop.

Sometimes it felt like I was birthing a baby, I know because I’ve done that three times. At times it was painful, emotionally and physically. Yet, I wouldn’t give it up for anything. It is something that only I could have created, no one else. The joy you feel when you complete a chapter, sometimes when I completed a paragraph, is something that can only come from deep inside you and is pure fulfillment and pride.

So yes, I am extremely proud as any parent would be. Even if you don’t think it’s a topic for you I guarantee you know someone that is highly sensitive and you would love to help them with the information in this book.

I invite you to check it out on Amazon. “Stop The Madness, How the Highly Sensitive Person Can Thrive in a Chaotic World”. To help you out here is a direct link; Purchase Here

*For a limited time it will be at a special price and with proof of purchase I will send you a Companion Journal Workbook and an MP3 meditation music.

All you have to do is email your receipt to; and you will receive your complimentary Pdf download and MP3 music file.

It’s your Life, Let’s make it Wonderful

The is a quick and to the point basic description of traits of an HSP. It is one of the first pieces of information that I found that accurately described why I felt that I was unique and different from non-HSPs. I have also found that this piece of information is useful when I need to explain to people exactly what being Highly Sensitive is.

I’ve included this in my book due out next week. Stop The Madness, How the Highly Sensitive Person Can Thrive in a Chaotic World.

The following was written by Dr. Elaine Aron and posted on her website on November 21st, 2014. You can go to her website for more valuable articles and blog posts going way back to 2004.

“You’re just too sensitive. Don’t take things so personally.”

In a culture that favors the powerful, sensitivity can be seen as a deficiency. Sensitive people can be perceived as delicate, quiet and aloof, but that doesn’t mean sensitivity is a negative trait. Being a highly sensitive individual may be more useful than the common wisdom would have us believe, according to researcher and psychologist Elaine N. Aron, Ph.D. In fact, as Aron explains, there are numerous misconceptions about people who, as she describes, “just feel more deeply.”

Below are 11 things you probably thought wrong about highly sensitive people.

1. They’re weak.

As a society, we tend to rank people based on certain characteristics — and HSPs tend to evade those traits that are perceived as “strong.” “There are different kinds of weakness,” Aron told The Huffington Post. “They’re more sensitive to pain, so they’re going to avoid a fight; that might make them look weak because they’re not aggressive. They have more emotional reactivity, so they cry more easily.”

But their ability to pick up on others’ emotions and intuitive nature offers a different type of advantage, Aron explains. “Highly sensitive people see things in a way that other people don’t see,” she said. “It’s a different kind of strength.”

2. They’re introverts.

High sensitivity is often used synonymously with introversion, but while they share similar characteristics (like wanting downtime and having relatively quiet personalities), Aron says the two are not the same. In fact, approximately 30 percent of HSPs are extroverts, according to her research.

3. They’re easily offended.

Sensitive people cringe over criticism, and when they receive it, it’s something they reflect on internally rather than take as a personal offense. Because they try to avoid scrutiny at all costs, HSPs tend to criticize themselves first or avoid the source of criticism altogether.

4. They’re shy.

One of the largest misconceptions about the personality trait is that people perceive HSPs as shy or neurotic individuals, Aron says. This could partially be due to their aversion to criticism or their reserved nature — but Aron stresses it’s important to distinguish the differences. “Shy is a fear of social evaluation, and we are not born with that fear,” she said. “A lot of people study shyness today and they don’t realize what’s under the hood, they just look at the behavior.”

5. All highly sensitive people are women.

Sensitivity doesn’t discriminate based on height, weight, gender, or job description. According to Aron, there are just as many men who possess the trait as there are women. “Being a sensitive man is difficult in our culture, but they are out there,” she said. “There’s no difference in how big and strong and masculine looking you are, if you’re a man or a woman. It’s not a matter of size.”

6. They’re prone to mental or physical illness.

Just like many other traits, it all comes down to variability in your genetics and environment. On average, a highly sensitive person is not at any more risk for mental or physical health issues, Aron says. In fact, if you’re in a stabilized environment, the trait may even benefit you. “You’re healthier than other people mentally and physically,” she explained.

Aron also notes that the trait is not associated with the autism spectrum, like many people believe. Becoming easily overstimulated is a common thread — especially in young children — but she stresses that there are many other distinctions that parents should pay attention to and discuss with their doctor. “That’s a difficult diagnosis to make in a very young child … it’s been misdiagnosed both ways, but they’re different,” she said.

7. Being highly sensitive negatively affects workplace success.

Because they’re so intuitive, Aron says that sensitive individuals can actually use their trait to perform better. “It’s not a handicap in relationships or at work,” she said. “Sensitive people can use their observations to their advantage … They’re going to rise to the top. They know how to bring ideas up without being ridiculed or scorned.”

8. They don’t like big crowds.

While highly sensitive people do prefer to participate in activities (like exercise) solo, that doesn’t mean they don’t enjoy a large party or interacting in a big gathering. In fact, HSPs can thrive when there’s social stimulation and some even find calm in large groups, Aron says.

9. They don’t take risks.

It’s a myth that highly sensitive individuals just want to stay at home or want everything calm and quiet all the time. Many HSPs seek high-sensation thrills like surfing and extensive traveling. Aron says they also choose careers where they can apply their traits while still finding stimulation and meaning, such as journalism or other service-based jobs.

10. You can easily identify a highly sensitive person.

In most cases, you probably won’t be able to spot an HSP in a crowd, Aron explains. Save for a few eccentricities, like preferring alone time or a quiet restaurant over a noisy one, the personality trait doesn’t often stand out. “They blend,” she said. “They’re creative, insightful and have a lot of empathy. People tend to like them.”

11. The trait is abnormal.

Aron, who has been researching HSPs since the early ’90s, says that nearly one in five people possess it. If you’re interested in finding out if you’re a highly sensitive person, you can take the self-assessment here:

Wikipedia – Highly sensitive person

Johnnie Urban
The Sensitive Coach


All the experts agree that dogs will take on the personality of their masters. Their behaviors, mannerisms and personality quirks all come from being closely connected and attached to the one person that means everything to them.

Seven years ago I decided to get another dog and a friend of mine’s mama dog had just had a litter of baby Shih tzu. I had always wanted one of these beautiful and cute dogs so I jumped on the invitation to take a look and pick one out.

I have a tried and true system for picking out my pets. I let them pick me.
My system for choosing works like this, I sit on the floor and the puppy that crawls into my lap and hangs out with me is the right one. Simple,yes?
This time that did not work. In this case all 12 puppies crawled all over me as if I was their new toy. It took me over an hour of playing with them before I chose my Princess Shadow.


I knew that my new puppy was going to be happy and loving, just look at her new “Mom”. What I didn’t know was she was going to be Highly Sensitive like her new “Mom”.

The reason I didn’t even consider this was because I didn’t know, at the time, that I was a Highly Sensitive Person, HSP. Seven years ago I didn’t even know that the term existed. Studies in the High Sensitivity in people have been going on since the early 1990’s. How is it that this escaped me? I knew from childhood that I had always been artistic, deeply feeling and empathic. What I didn’t know was that being super sensitive to loud sounds, bright lights, high and low temperatures and medications was also a trait.

Do any of these cause you to jump, cover your ears and /or want to hide somewhere?
Floor squeaks
Noisy car outside
Someone knocking on the door
Fire, Police or car alarm
Point scoring yell
Windy days
Rainy days

Even after it’s all over do you still feel:
Uncontrollable shaking

This is what Princess Shadow experiences almost on a daily basis.
We have tried holding her, loving her and distracting her. I even considered asking the vet for something to calm her down. What we found that works is to let her decide what she wants to do. That means she is usually under the sofa, peeking her little nose out, watching the world from her safe place. Giving her the time she needs to feel safe again is all she needs.
It amazes me how our animals have the natural ability to cope with stress. If we humans would just back off and let them do it.

A Solution?

Most of us do not have the luxury of being able to hide under a sofa until we feel safe. Most of us are active people that want to have an amazing life of energy and purpose. We have jobs, business’s, activities, families and friends that require us to be fully present. And I know that some of you are barely hanging on to your day to day existence of all that bombards your senses without any natural ability to be able to cope.

Yes, we could just pop a pill, but did you read the part above where I shared that I am super sensitive to drugs and medications? Most HSP are sensitive and just don’t respond well to these. My DR. has even warned me that these are allergic reactions.
I’d like to think that we are just wired differently and need to know how to have the “NATURAL ABILITY” of protecting ourselves from the onslaught of the chaotic world.

I know, because not only have I learned this myself, I have helped hundreds of Highly Sensitive People discover what it is like to have a fulfilled life using their gifts and thriving in the chaotic world.

I want you to know that there is absolute hope for you and anyone else that you might know that is struggling with their High Sensitivity traits and abilities.

How are you supposed to do ANYTHING…

…when the chaotic world OVERWHELMS your senses?

…when you DOUBT the gifts and abilities you were given?

…when you are confused about HOW to make everyday life happen?

…when you NEVER feel satisfaction that you are doing enough to actually be taken seriously?

…when you feel frustrated or worried that you’ll FAIL or make a mistake?

…when you crave fulfillment and it is always ELUSIVE?

Believe me, I’ve had my FULL share of each and every one of the things on that list.
And I want you to know that there is a way to turn it all around so that you will have a natural ability to thrive in the chaos of life.

Choose a day and time that works best for you at => Click here to sign up for your 60 min. STOP THE MADNESS Complimentary Session.

I  look forward to hearing from you,

Johnnie Urban

Strategic Interventionist

Coaching Highly Sensitive People How To Thrive In A Chaotic World

Direct – 714-403-9256

Who is driving the Bus?

I was coaching a client the other day about how frustrated she was about what a difficult week she was having. Her day would start out good but then, no matter what she did, within hours she was a mess. She would get stuck in traffic, be late for work and appointments, and forget her lunch at home; her co-workers were mean, and her son was constantly texting with a problem. By two p.m., she was overwhelmed, exhausted, and ready to call it quits for the third day in a row.



At this point I was saying, “thank God.” If she had not had her terrible three days, then she wouldn’t be ready to learn from it all. We got together just in time to stop the madness of her spiraling up and down.

Through our conversation, I was able to quickly gather from her enough information to determine that she was choosing helplessness to drive her bus.

The bus is a metaphor that I use for our life and how we operate in our waking hours, minutes, and even seconds. Yes, seconds, because you and I both know that decisions and change can be made in a heartbeat.

This single mom is smart, energetic, and strong. Sometimes those are great attributes and sometimes they are heavy weights to bear.

Shadows of Expectations

When an Highly Sensitive Person is not allowing themselves/herself to be vulnerable and ask for help, then all those people around her have expectations about her. What can you expect, we trained them well, didn’t we? Yet, when HSPs are tired from not enough sleep or proper nutrition or time to themselves, then you can only guess what could happen.

The shadow of “not allowing others to see you weak” takes over and is allowed to drive the bus of your life.

We all have a bus that holds all the parts of us, and the bus has to have a driver. From the moment we wake up in the morning to bedtime, the bus is humming along through our day taking us wherever we need to go.

My client was starting her day off with the “responsible” driver that quickly changed to “frustrated” driver when she arrived late for work. As an HSP, she did not want to feel shame for being late so she let the helpless injured “please don’t hurt me” person drive the bus. When her coworkers and boss didn’t feel sorry for her, she labeled them as being mean.

What came next was her son constantly interrupting her “wounded” driver with requests to rescue him from his problems. She is torn between being a strong Mom to being a wounded HSP. A recipe for overwhelm and exhaustion.

Perfect day for a new beginning

Fortunately, we get to choose who is driving the bus at any given time. Sometimes it’s not going to be easy but my hope is that with the information that I have provided in this book, you will begin to know that there is hope for you and anyone else that you know who is Highly Sensitive.

Johnnie Urban
Strategic Interventionist
Coaching Highly Sensitive People Hoe To Thrive In A Chaotic World

The Importance of Nutrition and Wellness

If you are a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) then you are also more aware of when your body is not comfortable. Since HSP are more sensitive to  being uncomfortable and feeling physical pain than most people we work at being the most comfortable that we can be in every environment. Therefore, it is important to look at our health and wellness as a way to avoid over-stimulation, exhaustion and physical pain.

*Stick to simple foods that have a healthy balance is essential.
*Get the supplemental nutrients, our food no longer provides what we need.
*Connect to nature.
*Do regular exercise, relaxation, meditation and any other activities that go with your nature to calm yourself down and recharge after the over stimulation.


Being a HSP does not automatically mean you will experience the physical challenges and pain that some of us do. But if you do it’s just a wake up call to pay attention and do something, NOW.

My back finally said enough is enough.

In December 2010, about 6 months after marrying Michael, we went to a local amusement park and rode every ride like little kids. Two days later I was cranky and in pain but didn’t know what was about to happen would change my life forever. The pain got progressively worse until I literally couldn’t  move. I had to be carried to the car and when I got to the Dr.’s I had to be carried in. The X-ray made me cry even more. Apparently the curve in my spine  had gotten progressively worse over the years to the point that it is now moderate scoliosis.

It was no picnic in the park. Because of the compressed disc and pinched nerve I needed to get spinal decompression several times a week for a couple of months. But that was far better than surgery.
Fast forward 2 years later. Even though my back had healed I still had to be very careful to not do too much. I wore a brace to work and needed to rest a lot. I think the whole episode triggered my High Sensitivity over the top.

Things were at a point that I thought I was going crazy. I was beginning to forget the simplest things and was having vertigo episodes so frequently that I couldn’t walk across the room with holding onto furniture.
Low and behold not only was my thyroid out of whack but my adrenal system had also gone into overdrive. Apparently when my back went out my whole system went into shock. My adrenal system went into fight or flight mode and had forgotten how to shut off.

All of this affected my thyroid and digestive system. There were also a whole list of other stuff going on that attributed to my vertigo that I won’t go into here.

Unchecked Emotional Pressure?

It’s now a little bit over four years after my back did a total blow out. And I do wonder, at times, if the Highly Sensitive emotional stress I experience  has anything to do with my scoliosis getting worse.
Was my unchecked emotional pressure causing a physical pressure that in turn caused my spinal structure to curve enough to have a total collapse?
It’s hard to equate that. All I know is that I got to a place in life where I decided that I MUST change and get control of my High Sensitivity  because what I was doing, up until then, was not working.

I know deep in my heart and soul that God has a plan for all of us. His plan for me is to show others who are in pain, emotional and physical, how they cannot just exist but thrive in our chaotic world. I can only  believe that He wanted me to learn first hand so that I could congruently serve others.

Hectic Lifestyle

Our hectic lifestyle can become a health risk especially for a HSP. What may be a normal day for most people will overwhelm most HSP.  In some careers, jobs and even academic communities there is a huge social demand to perform and succeed at the highest level.

Then there is social media, TV, movies, sports activities, and anything else that pushes and pulls at us to do more and more.
I will always be secretly and eternally grateful when my young boys decided that they did not want to play after school sports like their friends.

Life Like A Hermit?

Unless you decide to live the life of a hermit you will experience some stress in your life that could potentially cause health issues.

The food that is available to us to eat is especially troublesome. More and more GMO food is getting into our food supply and causing havoc with our health. My husband and I just saw a documentary on Netflix, “GMO OMG” that questioned that very issue. HSP’s bodies are especially vulnerable to the effects of toxins and pesticides.

Be Your Own Health Advocate

The reason I told you this story was for you to understand how important it is to listen to your body and keep searching for the specific help you need for whatever health issues you may have. Don’t let anyone tell your Highly Sensitive side of you that you’re crazy for what you know is true. We are so fortunate to have an abundance of choices in the medical field today whether it’s natural or not you owe it to your self to have an amazing pain free healthy life.

Its important to stay grounded by:

*Get a lot of sleep (eight hours minimum, sometimes more)
*Exercise daily, preferably outside, to calm your nervous system and clear your mind.
*Eat healthy food.
*During your quiet alone time read books, listen to soothing music, and do journal writing.
*Whenever you need to be alone, find a quiet place where you can be alone.
*Invest time and energy only in friendships that are good for you. People who accept you for who you are and support you in the way that you live.


Stop The Distraction Madness

Now is the time to take stock of your own health and wellness. Most of us HSP will keep ourselves busy, take a some kind of a drug, eat when you’re not hungry or have too many glass’s of wine to distract us from what we are feeling, be it emotional or physical pain.

I urge you to take a moment of really getting real with yourself, right now, and say ENOUGH. “I will no longer tolerate the low standards I have for my health and well being. I am worth it to be the very best version of myself so that I can live a life that is wonderful.”

Get Help – Address your life challenges and heal the emotional stuff that causes you pain. Your body and your life will thank you.

Sign up to get your Complimentary Stop The Madness Session here, [CLICK HERE]

I’m going to end with saying that today I feel really emotionally and physically healthy  for the first time in over 5 years.
Yes, I will need to work at it daily – But I think I’m worth it

Blessings and Yours Truly,

Johnnie Urban

Strategic Interventionist
Coaching Highly Sensitive People How To Thrive In A Chaotic World

Feminine Energy vs Highly Sensitive Person (HSP)

The other day I was eating lunch with some friends at an event.
Most of my friends are open to new progressive ideas and are educated in human psychology. Like me they are always curious about life experiences and are what we call life long learners.
As we were joyfully sharing what we were up to lately I opened up with the concept of writing a book to address the challenges highly sensitive people in today’s world.

Being curious they wanted to know more about what was a Highly Sensitive Person. I suspect that they wanted to know if they were Highly Sensitive. In the middle of my explanation of the traits and abilities of what an HSP has I was suddenly stopped, by one of my friends, and asked “Isn’t that just feminine energy?”

This is not the first time I have been asked that. It seems whenever I am talking to someone that is not Highly Sensitive they just don’t get it.

If the term feminine energy is new to you then I have some good news for you. I’m going to share with you, to the best of my ability what it is and how it differs from being an HSP.


Everyone has both a masculine and a feminine side. For the purpose of this chapter I am leaving out the masculine explanation because I will only be comparing feminine energy and begin a Highly Sensitive Person at this time.
Being a HSP is not exclusive to women. There are just as many men that are born with the traits as there are women. But society dictates men are not supposed to possess the traits and women are. Both will suffer and be confused by this stereotyping.

As in most things there are varying degrees of feminine energy depending on the individual person, the culture they are living in, how they where raised as a child and your hormones.
The feminine side is based on a deep level of the value that you place on others. If you have a strong feminine side and place a high value on others, you are often giving and unselfish. You usually know what is good for people, and you tend to operate in ways that helps others, get what they want out of life. People feel comfortable around you because you give of who you are without pushing yourself on others.
Conversely if you have a weak feminine side, you place a low value on others, and you are not a giving person. You are isolated because you don’t want to share yourself or share anything you have. Also, you don’t take responsibility for actions and place blame on others for your problems.
A strong feminine energy often behaves in ways that are considered feminine in nature. You will do things that are giving and unselfish. This includes recognizing people’s basic human rights and allowing them live their life without interfering with those rights. Allowing people their basic rights includes letting them control their own life, letting them choose what they want to believe without being manipulated by you. The feminine side also includes having an enthusiasm and zest for life, and recognizing what things are worth getting enthusiastic about. It also includes being kind, compassionate, patient and responsive to the needs of others, and it includes the ability to limit the amount go energy you put into helping people, to keep from hurting yourself or draining your own energy.

There is a gathering aspect to feminine energy. Going back to the cavemen days where the hunters (men) went out with their physical strength, spears, knives and arrows to hunt for food and protect the family. The women, and weak men and children, would stay close to the cave and gather food from the ground, bushes and trees. They had to remember the details of where to find non-poisonous berries and clean water. They would stay close together to protect each other from a pouncing tiger or lion.
These are the basic needs for survival even to this day. Feminine energy today is still about gathering and staying together for survival and protection. It’s just looks a little bit different. In today’s world we see survival as being accepted into the group. We will gather together for lunch and give kind words and support even if we don’t mean it. Even go the restroom together.
An all important thing that happy and healthy feminine energy gathers and shares are details. Details about a person, a dress, a pair of shoes, who was at the party or a trip and when the time is right she will share it until your ears fall off.

Now let’s go back and do some comparing to the HSP and connect the dots.

1. Emotionally immature
2. Self-centered
3. Unpredictable and unstable emotions
4. Over-dependent
5. Demanding and attention thirsty

1. Have great imagination
2. Have great intellectual abilities
3. Are creative
4. Have a curious mind
5. Are hard workers
6. Are good problem solvers
7. Are extremely conscious and compassionate
8. Are intuitive, caring and spiritual
9. Have a strong sense of aesthetic awareness
10. Respect nature, art and music greatly
11. Have profound and intense sensations
12. Can access important information from the unconscious mind
13. Have a depth of understanding and feelings
14. Are objective and can see the bigger picture

A Highly Sensitive Person has similar traits to feminine energy when it comes to being conscious, caring and compassionate. There is also a correlation to having a strong sense of aesthetic awareness (shoes and outfit matching), and can access important information from the unconscious mind (intuition). Other than that there is not much else in common.

Your comments or questions are always appreciated. :)

Johnnie Urban

On January 14, 2015 I was invited to do a radio interview with renowned Relationship & Life Coach, Author, Speaker, Mari Mitchell Porter, CPC. Please have a listen to this exciting interview.

Love and harmony is what everyone wants in their relationships. However, very often it is not present. Instead you have strive, arguing and stress.Join me and my special guest Johnnie Marie Urban as we talk about why we get into difficult relationships, what we can learn from them and how to create happy, healthy and loving relationships. Find out how it is possible to be in relationships where you can communicate in a way that creates harmony and love at a level that is deep, beautiful and long lasting.

Johnnie Urban
Strategic Interventionist
Coaching Highly Sensitive People How To Thrive In A Chaotic World
Direct – 714-403-9256

Missing In Action?

Missing in Action?

Why you haven’t seen much of me lately.

If you haven’t noticed that my blog has taken the last few months off that’s ok. We are all busy and have extraordinary lives that seem to dictate each and every minute of our waking lives.

Earlier this year my family was experiencing some life changing milestones. Even though I tried to keep on writing and sharing insights with you, my brain and heart were being held hostage in what we were experiencing.

The details are not important. What IS important is TODAY.

The journey that we all go on that develops us into who we are BEING is whats important.

Who are we BEING TODAY that makes the journey all worth it?

If I had a choice would I choose the difficult and challenging life?

You Betcha!

How much pressure and time does it take to turn an ugly piece of coal into a perfect beautiful diamond?

I’m far from being that perfect diamond even though today I think I do sparkle most of the time

Sitting on our sofa last night I was just sharing with my husband that even though the last 5 years have been challenging (he says sucked big time) I wouldn’t change it for anything.

That unexpected chapter in my life brought me to my knees, literally. And it seemed, at the time, that I would never heal and that we were doomed at having to settle for what our lives had become.

But the most valuable distinction I learned from the experience is something that I NEVER THOUGHT  was even in my awareness.

And now I DEEPLY understand;

Life doesn’t happen to you, It happens for you.


Stay tuned, more to come :)

I would LOVE to hear any comments and words of learnings at

Johnnie Urban
It’s Your Life, let’s Make It Wonderful

Disclaimer, No words were harmed in the writing of this blog, however grammar and punctuation may have taken a hit