What? Is that just crazy, or what?
Why would anyone think that a disaster could help us have better lives?

It’s not crazy, or cynical, or even insensitive.

In fact, I actually identify with the traits and abilities of a highly sensitive person. Are you one too?

Over the years, I have learned, as I teach all my students, to decide when to feel and react deeply.
It’s a great feeling to be able to own your emotions instead of them owning you.

Closing your eyes and imagining a pretty box that I can throw those feelings into, tie a ribbon around it and place it on a shelf for later. I call this the Gift of Time Box.

Recently the planet seems to be having a bit of a tantrum. Devastating natural disasters multiple hurricanes, earthquakes, and dormant volcanoes spitting and spuming. Massively disrupting lives all over the world.

And then there was the horrible mass shooting in Las Vegas.

The first day was a horrible day of shock and worry.
Worry for friends that either lives in Las Vegas or were visiting. Until we heard that they are ok, we prayed for them all.
When my husband got home from work I was curled up watching a romantic comedy on Netflix.
I asked my husband to please not turn on the news. He knows me all too well and happily obliged.

The second day, again I purposefully did not turn on the TV.
Visiting Facebook, briefly to check in with people, was my only contact with the news.
Promising myself that I would not bombard my senses with all the bits and pieces of the tragedy until I could handle it.

Even now, as I write this, I cry tears of sadness for all the people that have been touched by this senseless act.

Though images were limited, my imagination is on fire.
I remind myself that HSP’s love to feel deeply. There is nothing wrong with me.
Deep sorrow and deep joy. We can’t help it, we are just born this way.
It can feel like we are being pushed and pulled all at once.
I don’t want to cry right now. But I have to.

Bad stuff will happen in our lifetime.
We will trust deeply and be hurt deeply.

We will love deeply and lose deeply.We will also experience deep joy and delight in the beauty of a child laughing, flowers blooming, and birds singing in the early morning. Being grounded in nature that surrounds us.

The question is, how will you be able to manage the emotions that go with them?

 

So by now the Gift of Time box is bulging with emotions, anger, sadness, fear, and hurt. No worries, it can handle all the emotions until my sensitivities are ready to embrace them.

The time will come when the emotions can be gently handled and that is when we can do something about helping those that have been affected by these disasters.

Will today be better? Time will tell. Maybe the Gift of Time box will come off the shelf today, maybe not.

 

Blessings,

Johnnie Urban

P.S. Another great read,  WHY THIS HIGHLY SENSITIVE PERSON SEEMS SO INSENSITIVE IN THE WAKE OF THE VEGAS SHOOTING

Being your authentic self on stage is a desire, yet an oxymoron

Authentic : true to one’s own personality, spirit, or character; is sincere and authentic with no pretensions. – Merriam Webster

Oxymoron : something (such as a concept) that is made up of contradictory or incongruous elements. – Merriam Webster

In the process of creating my Authentic Public Speaker course, I did a lot of surveys and interviews with entrepreneurs just like you about what they truly desired in a public speaking course.

By far, the most important thing to them was that they wanted to be authentic.

Woman scratching head

I scratched my head at that.
How could I teach entrepreneurs how to convert their speeches into paying clients if they did not want to change anything?

Then it dawned on me – What they thought they wanted was a magic speech structure that would instantly get them clients at the end of their talk.

From my experience, I knew that what they really needed was a system to help them understand what behaviors were showing up in them that would attract or repel their audience.

Want versus need is always an interesting, mind-blowing discovery.

In order to understand why people wanted to be authentic, I had to dig deep inside myself and find out why I would want that, too.

I asked myself:
Do I want to be my authentic self, too?
What part of me would I keep, and what part did I need to change?
What part of me did I need to find and bring to the stage?
What part of me was I hiding that my audience really wanted to experience?

Because if I had stayed my authentic self, I would have had to quit public speaking and my dream career because I was a terrible presenter.

I had a great structure for my speech. After all, I had paid a lot of money to several well-known trainers to teach me a structure.

But what I didn’t get help with was my stress behaviors that were showing up on stage. Those ugly, dark shadows that lurked in silence and reared their ugly heads whenever I was stressed.

Critical cartoon

Fear, anger, resentment, jealousy, significance, uncertainty, shyness – all the ugliness showed up, all at once, in that slice of a moment whenever I tried to deliver a presentation.

All of this caused me, as well as my fellow speakers, to not be able to remember critical parts of our speeches. We would not be in flow and found ourselves stumbling all over our words. This caused us to feel like we were not the authority and expert, had not right to be in front of these people and made us feel like a fraud.

Not one person in my audiences was interested in learning more, let alone buying from me.

Why would I want to continue to show up on stage from that place?
Behaviors are tricky and predictable. Behaviors that we learned as children are still carried into our adulthood long after we “grow up”.

The good news is, all those negative behaviors were learned – and that means I could unlearn them.

Authentic Public Speaker Online Course Creation Survey

A few years ago…

I was at an event being organized by a dear friend of mine. She was teaching from the stage about her business.
This event was held in a ballroom of a very nice hotel with about 100 people in attendance.
One thing she also does is to invite well-known respected speakers and presenters to share her stage so that they can present to the audience a possible opportunity to work with them.

I always try to go to these types of events to study and learn even more from professional speakers.
There was one particular speaker that I wanted to hear. In the past he had always been dynamic and would present great information. I sat in the front row; I didn’t want to miss a thing.
This time, I was sadly disappointed. His entire 45-minute speech was all about the program he was selling.

Tye Dyed shirtHe showed up wearing an outlandish tie-dyed shirt, with torn designer jeans and a huge decorative necklace. Since he was on a 4-foot riser stage. everyone also noticed his colorful alligator cowboy boots. In another environment his style of dress and appearance would have been appropriate and even admired.

He totally did NOT understand the needs and culture (entrepreneurial business owners) of the audience.
With all of this visual distraction going on, I knew I couldn’t focus on his presentation, and neither could most of the audience.

I sensed that he knew he was not getting in touch with the audience, because after about 10 minutes, he started to act out of significance. You know the type. All they can talk about is themselves and their accomplishments.

After another 15 minutes, his behavior turned to desperation. The audience was not buying his pitch at all.
He became frantic at the end, because when he began asking the audience questions about signing up for his program, all you could hear was crickets.

It got really ugly at this point as he began to point at people in the audience and blatantly tell them they needed to sign up.

With all of this distraction going on, it’s no wonder no one signed up for his program.
It’s too bad; his program was probably very good. I myself am certified in what he was selling, so I knew the value of learning it.

The big problem was that he himself showed up from a place of fear. This stressed him out. His particular behavior that showed up, when he is stressed, is being significant. Then, when that doesn’t work, he gets desperate and frantic and becomes a bully.
Can you see how his childhood patterns showed up on the stage?

It took me over 10 years to get to the point of seeing how my destructive negative human behavior can be onstage.

Why did it take so long? I didn’t know what I didn’t know.
In my ‘off the stage’ real life, I am really magnetic and full of charisma. People tell me that. I make friends easy and have a quirky sense of humor that people enjoy.

But as soon as I go on stage, most of that beautifully authentic behavior disappeared.

Question MarkI began to ask myself different kinds of questions to drill down to the core reasons for this.
The results were so profound that I used those same questions and re-worked them for you.

“What would have to happen for your beautiful authentic behaviors to show up all the time, even when you are stressed?”

‘What do you need to be aware of that causes your stress, that if you eliminated it, that would change everything?”

“What if I got some help from someone who could see who I was at my core?”
“What if that trusted person could see what I was blind to?”
“What if I made some changes (scary) in who I was at my core?”
“What would happen if I showed up as my true authentic “New and Improved” self?”

This was a huge, life-changing, aha moment for me.
Because I had tried to make these changes in my past and thought I had done a pretty good job at it. But, (there’s the but) I struggled with keeping the negative pieces of me off the stage.

I truly wanted to be my authentic self in front of others, yet when I was speaking, people would be repelled by my words and attitude.

What would it be like for you to experience peace in front of your audience?
To be able to deliver your message that would automatically build rapport and have your audience get to know, love and trust you?

Knowing in your heart and soul that you are showing up as your true authentic “New and Improved” self.

How do you do that? You really only have three choices:

1. Reflect on what behaviors are showing up when you are stressed. Journal about them. Meditate. Pray.
Good practices, but could take a long time.
We don’t know what we don’t know.

2. Ask your family, friends, co-workers. Be careful, because these groups of people normally don’t want you to improve, because when you improve, they fear you will either want to change them or leave them.
How do you feel when someone criticizes and places judgments on you? Even when we ask them to do it, we can feel resentment and will reject the well-meaning help.

3. Find a sensitive trained professional that will be able to love you enough to see that you grow. Someone who will be there with you for the long haul and believe in your success more than you do.
Someone who knows how to give proper feedback so that you will be motivated to improve.

By now, you may be seeing that being your authentic self truly is an oxymoron.
When you are stressed, all kinds of negative behaviors will show up.

I’m going to repeat myself here:
What would it be like for you to experience peace in front of your audience?
To be able to deliver your message that would automatically build rapport and have your audience get to know, love and trust you?

Johnnie Speaking To Large Group

Johnnie Speaking

I desperately wanted that and I found a way.
Created a system that I still use personally today every time I get on stage.

I’ve been sharing it with my individual private clients and at local workshops for over 2 years now with amazing results.

Now I want to help even more people. People like you who desire the same thing that I wanted.

As I write this I am in the process of developing my online Authentic Speaker Training program called Speeches that Convert.

Would you like to be part of the launch process?

If you did not have the chance to answer the easy yet comprehensive survey that I created just for you.

Click Here: APS Online Course Creation Survey

As a thank you for helping out you will be one of the first to receive special launch pricing for Speeches that Convert.

Your responses and feedback will help with the development and design of the course so that it is a perfect fit for you and others like you.

Again, Here is the APS Online Course Creation Survey  

Blessings,
Johnnie Urban
Wonderful life Learning Intl.
Authentic Public Speaker

Johnnie Urban

P.S. If you feel that this information has been of value to you I bet you have some entrepreneurial friends or partners who would also love it. Go ahead and foreword it to them.

Top 10 Tips To Be Your Authentic Self On The Stage, Without Blowing It!

I Love Public Speaking – Even Though It Still Scares Me.

Johnnie Speaking To Large Group

Johnnie Urban Speaking

There was a time, not to long ago, that I was deathly afraid of public speaking.

I am the most unlikely person to love public speaking, let alone be a speech coach and mentor.

Johnnie in 3rd gradeAs a child, I had developed a speech impediment where I slurred my ss’s. By the time I was in 3rd grade, it was so bad, the school had me in speech therapy.
I can’t complain; it was a rather fun experience.
I remember a very nice lady (probably a speech therapist) sitting down with me in an empty classroom and playing fun games.

I can remember that these games were easy and were designed for me to speak while retraining my tongue to move to the back of my mouth away from my front teeth.

But what I enjoyed the most was the one-on-one attention I received from someone who deeply cared about me.
Don’t get me wrong; it was hard work, and to this day, the slurring returns when I am tired or talk too fast.

I’m telling you this story because I want you to know that regardless of our many flaws, we can still stand up on a stage, in front of a room of people, or even just talk with one person, and embrace those flaws as being our true authentic selves.

In fact, what your audience wants the most is to be able to see the REAL you. Not the perfected you.

That’s why Facebook Live is so popular and works so well for marketing a business. It is because it is real and raw, not scripted or edited.

Avoid The #1 Rookie Speaker Mistake …

There are people out there who need your products and/or services. They are looking for YOU and only YOU!
You are the only one that has a compelling personal story of why you do what you do.
You are the only one who can tell YOUR story.

You have been given natural talents and abilities.

But public speaking is a learned skill.

And maybe public speaking is not one of your natural talents; but public speaking is the best way to get your message noticed to more people, and it also helps you make a significant income.

 

Here are my favorite Top 10 Tips To Be Your Authentic Self On The Stage, Without Blowing It!

1. Trust who you are at your core.

It will ground you. When you completely surrender to the idea that you are the expert and authority in your field it gives you the right to be on stage. It completely eliminates the imposter syndrome that many speakers feel.

NEWS FLASH! Unless you are a professional performer-You are not a performer! You are a speaker who has a message that is of value to people. Own that, and you will relax and have fun.

2. Have a structure for your speech.

There are many different types of structures to a speech depending on what the purpose of your speech is. I have found that the easiest structure to follow is where there is a beginning, middle, and an end. Just three parts. This structure works when you’re in the beginning stages of learning, but it also works well as a foundational structure that you will be able to fall back on when you find yourself in an impromptu speaking setting.

3. Love your topic.

Don’t we just love to talk about what we are most interested in? We could talk all day about our favorite sport or the vacation we just took. Believe me when I say this, you will not bore your audience if you are engaging and funny. In fact when you master the art of story telling you will not only be more engaging you will get that all elusive feeling of being brilliant.

4. Commit to be committed.

Something I learned when I took Improv classes. When was the last time you were completely committed to something? Was it on your wedding day? Giving birth to a child? Finding a new Job? When you are fully committed to delivering a powerful, funny and/or informative speech, then you will, no questions asked!

5. Dance with the fear.

Researchers say that public speaking is feared more than death. Even I still get a little nervous, even though I love it so much.

We want people to like us and not throw the proverbial tomato at us.

But what do you think happens when you try to stop something, like stop fearing? It creates a void, doesn’t it? And wherever there is a void, you will find that it won’t stay that way for long. Unless you fill it up with something more powerful and hopefully positive.

What could you easily replace fear with? Next time try excitement.

Next time you fear that tomatoes may be coming at you, just imagine that you are going to catch them, take them home and make a salad.

6. Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.

A really great statement that has profound positive effects with people who take it on and use it. And, yes, it is the title of a book by author Mike Robbins.

Being your authentic self is a desire yet an oxymoron – read more

When you can deeply understand that you are speaking to an audience that wants to meet the REAL you, it will allow you to relax, have fun, and deliver your amazing message with style and grace.

Today’s audiences want the real you, not some performer that has over-rehearsed a part in a play.

7. Self-deprecating humor.

According to Wikipedia, this is the act of reprimanding oneself by belittling, undervaluing, or disparaging oneself, or being excessively modest. It can be used in humor and to release tension.

It can also be a form of humorous sarcasm. Which I find personally find funny. Example: “Dang, you’re all so smart, studying for the test; I’m probably going to fail.” *Says the straight A student.*

Have fun with it, but be careful to not use it too much. Putting yourself down for the sake of humor will not work if you’re fishing for a compliment and will make you look like you have poor self-esteem.

8. Touch people’s heart with stories.

Stories have a way of magically transporting someone to a different place and time. They suspend time and can act as invisible selling. Telling a story in the beginning of your speech will allow people to relax and settle in to listen to what you are going to say in the rest of your speech. Especially if the story is a journey story about you.

Here is a little tip inside the tips: everyone has a hero’s story. You know the one. Where at one time their life was like that, and then something happened that caused them to rise above the awfulness, and here they are today ready to share it with you.

Next time try this. Tell a story about why you do what you do. Your purpose, your BIG WHY. Example: In a nutshell, my big why is all about taking care of and helping people. When I was a child, I was always drawn to people who seemed sad and all alone. No matter where I was – at the grocery store, church, school – I would deeply feel empathy that they were alone and sad. I would go to them and quickly get them to feel valued.

9. Pepper conversations with pieces of your speech.

Share pieces of your speech with anyone and everyone. The more you use it, the more you will remember it and not have to rely on notes. Your speech will then flow like you’re having an engaging conversation with an interested person. The reason I said pepper is because you will just want to use small snippets of your speech sprinkled throughout your conversation to prevent listeners overwhelm.

10. Practice, practice, practice.

There are formulas out there for how much time you should practice, but what I’ve found is that everyone is different. Some people write a speech once and can immediately deliver it. Some people need a lot more time.

It’s best to practice your speech for the purpose of timing it. Most presentations have a time slot. If you go over that time, you will annoy your audience. If you go too much under the time, they may feel cheated.

 

In my courses I help people understand what there primary learning modality is. Do you prefer visual, auditory or kinesthetic learning?

 

 

Visual learners can recall information that is delivered in a visual manner. Pictures, drawings, reading or writing words, pencil/ pen to paper, not typing.

 

 

Auditory learners learn easier if they can hear the speech. This is where I suggest they record their practice sessions and listen to them.

 

Kinesthetic learners learn best if they are able to move around while they are learning.

 

 

 

One of the best reasons to understand learning styles is that when you are speaking, you will learn to be able to speak to all the learning styles in your audience so that they will hear you from their learning preference.

 

Avoid The #1 Rookie Speaker Mistake …

 

One more little story:

As I finish here, I am reminded of one more tip.

When we speak to an audience, there will be distractions, guaranteed!

Right now, as I am trying to finish this blog for a deadline, I am being challenged by the noise and interruptions of construction workers out on my porch.

On one hand, I am grateful that the repair work is finally getting done, yet on the other, “Why NOW?!”

Distractions happen. A very real benefit to you is to practice staying on task and focus when it happens. Then when you are on the stage, it will be one more thing you won’t have to stress about when it happens.

These are my all time favorite Top 10 Tips To Be Your Authentic Self On The Stage, Without Blowing It!

Keep in mind that when you can add value, be fun, embrace story telling all while being in a flowing structure you will be sought out as an amazing professional speaker who will not only be invited to speak but will also be asked back and paid well.

 

By the way, I am in the process of developing my online Authentic Speaker Training program. It will be called Speeches that Convert.

Would you like to be part of the launch process?

I have an easy yet comprehensive survey that I created just for you.

As a thank you for helping out you will be one of the first to receive special launch pricing.

Your responses and feedback will help with the development and design of the course so that it is a perfect fit for you and others like you.

Click HERE for APS Course Creation Survey 

Blessings,

Johnnie Urban CEO

Wonderful life Learning Intl.

Authentic Public Speaker

Johnnie Urban

P.S. Be sure to check out Avoid The #1 Rookie Speaker Mistake

P.S. P.S. If you feel that this information has been of value to you I bet you have some entrepreneurial friends who would also love it. Go ahead and foreword it to them.

I sometimes question my courage.

The courage that is needed to raise a child
is certainly different from what is needed to
get out of bed in the morning. Some of us
have a hard time even doing that at times.

I remember when my children were approaching
driving age and each one told me that they did
not want to learn to drive. I was perplexed
because the minute I turn 15 ½ I couldn’t
wait to get behind the wheel of a car.

But when I asked them why, this is what they said,

“There are a lot of crazy drivers out there and
I don’t want to be out there with them.”

Mind you, they had no problem sitting in the
passenger seat as I drove them everywhere.

I’m thinking, at this point, it’s because they
felt safe from all the crazy drivers as long as
I was doing the driving.
I’ll take that compliment any day.

Most of us will agree that the courage needed
to speak in front of a group of people compared
to, well… almost anything- is completely unique.

There are lots of different reasons for why we are
scared to death of public speaking and all of them are valid.

Yet, if you think about it, don’t we find the courage
to do what we must do to get what we ultimately want?

Your BIG why just needs to be bigger then your fear.

It also can help if someone else is in the drivers seat
until your ready to fly on your own.

Blessings,
Johnnie Urban

More good stuff on: 

PS. All three of my children’s fear of crazy drivers disappeared
when they moved out and needed to transport themselves.

Disclaimer: no words were harmed but punctuation and dangling particles may have taken a hit.

“English is like, totally fun to learn, you know?”
If you take out the words “like,” “totally” and “you know” from that sentence, you’re left with a perfectly understandable sentence:

English is fun to learn.

So what’s the point of all those extra words, then?
Words like “totally” and phrases like “you know” are called filler words, and they’re used, like, literally all the time.
You’ve probably heard lots of filler words being used in conversations or in movies and TV shows. These might not seem useful, but they are actually a pretty important part of the English language, especially in American English.
Filler words can be an English learner’s best friends, if you use them correctly and not too often.

What Are Filler Words?

Filler words are words (and phrases) that are used to fill silence when you’re speaking. They’re words that don’t add any real value to the sentence. They simply keep you going while you come up with the rest of your sentence.
Their actual name is “discourse markers,” but they’re much more commonly known as “filler words.”
You might already use filler words without realizing it. When you can’t think of the right word to use in a sentence, you might say “umm.”

This gives you a break while you think, without an awkward, silent pause.
Since filler words don’t really add any meaning to the sentence, you don’t need to think about using them. This leaves your brain free to think of other things—like the word you’re trying to remember.

Building Confidence

Most beginning speakers are afraid of pauses. They believe their audience will think they are inarticulate if they pause to think of what to say next, so they use filler words to avoid the silence. However, a pause is actually more impressive than a filler word. Listeners know that the speaker is thinking, trying to find the right word.
They respect this. Sometimes a pause can actually improve a speech, as when an actor uses a dramatic pause to rivet the attention of his audience.
A speaker shouldn’t be afraid to pause occasionally during a speech; it shows self-confidence.

Johnnie Urban, author and speaker trainer says,
“I remind myself that I have the floor and that nobody is going to interrupt me,” she also adds, “I tell myself that it’s okay to be silent. When I’m collecting my thoughts, I believe I appear more cerebral and deep in thought if I remain silent for a second or two. I appear to be the wise professor who is about to say something profound. I find that the audience will sit up and pay more attention. I tell myself that what seems like a long pause to me is probably a short pause to those in the audience.”

Brittany Hoff Gill of the Eagle Toastmasters in Eagle, Idaho, believes the way a speaker views the situation also affects the “ah” quotient. “Filler words generally come in when you don’t view the presentation as a conversation,” she says. “This makes you nervous and tense, and then you have a tendency to use filler words.”

 Public Speaking Emotions

Use Filler Words in Moderation

Like with anything else, you could use filler words too much. Overusing filler words (using too many, too often) can make you sound unprofessional. Even worse, it can make it difficult to follow your sentences. So do use filler words when you speak, they actually can add some personality to a bland sentence or statement, but don’t use them too much.

This article is a compilation from several different resources.
15+ Quick English Filler Words You’ll Thank Yourself for Learning by YULIYAGEIKHMAN.
Download the complete article: Available as a convenient and portable PDF that you can take anywhere. Click here to get a copy. (Download)

Toastmaster website CUTTING OUT FILLER WORDS

Johnnie Urban Authentic Public Speaking  and Creator of the Speaker Start-up Kit

16 Public Speaking Declarations, Affirmations and Incantations

There are both positive and negative types of affirmations. I’m sure many of us can remember as a child being told by a teacher, parent or coach that we didn’t have the ability to do something, or we were too fat, clumsy, etc. These unresourceful statements can stay with us in the conscious or unconscious mind, and we then reinforce them throughout our lives.

We say incantations to ourselves all the time. Powerful positive ones will always overpower and eliminate negative self-defeating ones.

Declarations are something you say that is a statement that you believe to be true. When you make a declaration about something it’s like you put your stake in the ground and there is no turning back.

Affirmations can be a powerful tool to help you to change your mood, state of mind and manifest the change you desire in your life.

Incantations are what we say over and over again until they become a part of our unconscious mind. When that happens then it is a part of us and our unconscious mind will automatically accept them and do everything in its power to help you achieve them.

If an unresourceful belief is deeply rooted in our unconscious mind then it has the ability to override a positive affirmation even if we aren’t aware of it. This is why for many people affirmations and incantations don’t seem to work, as their afflicted thought patterns are so strong that it knocks out the effect of the positive statement. So how can we add more muscle to an affirmation and incantation so that it has the power to triumph over our negative thinking? Here are some suggestions on how to make them work for you.

 

Four Steps to Make Affirmations and Incantations More Effective & Powerful

 

Step 1: Write out an affirmation on the positive aspect of your self-judgment. You may want to use a thesaurus to find more powerful words to beef up your statement. For example instead of saying, “I’m worthy,” you could say, “I’m remarkable and cherished.” After you have written your affirmation, ask a close friend or a coach to read it to see if they have any suggestions to make it stronger.

 

Step 2: Turn your affirmation into incantations. Speak the affirmation out loud for about five minutes, three times a day — morning, mid day and evening. An ideal time to do this is when you’re putting on your make up or shaving, so that you can look at yourself in the mirror as you repeat the positive statement. Another option that helps to reinforce the new belief and would be easy to do at work is to write out the affirmation several times in a notebook. Notice over time as you write it if your style of writing changes. This could be a clue as to how your mind embraces the new concept.

 

Step 3: Anchor the affirmation in your body as you are repeating it by doing something powerfully physical. Do the Super Hero power pose (see photo). Jumping jacks, pushups or if you can go for a walk or even a run.

Step 4: Get a friend or coach to repeat your affirmation to you. As they are saying for example, “you are remarkable and cherished” identify this statement as nurturing messages. If you don’t have someone who you feel comfortable asking then use your reflection in the mirror as the person who is reinforcing the healthy message.

 

My gift to my fellow speakers

Below you will find 16 powerful declarations that you can easily turn into your own affirmations and even incantations. These are the exact ones that I use for myself.

 

  1. Speaking is fun!
  2. Speaking is about service!
  3. I am a Master Networker!
  4. Speaking is about leading!
  5. I am a Powerful presenter!
  6. People love to give me money!
  7. Speaking is about connection!
  8. I am the #1 Expert in my field!
  9. My intention is to embrace speaking!
  10. I have important Knowledge to share!
  11. I give amazing value whenever I speak!
  12. I am a Confident, Charismatic speaker!
  13. Speak honestly with integrity and compassion!
  14. People love to buy my products and/or services!
  15. I earn a fortune powerfully speaking my passion!
  16. Speaking is about moving people to take an action!

 

“I give myself the green light to go ahead, and to joyously embrace the new.” —LOUISE HAY

AN IN-DEPTH EXPLORATION OF THE SIX HUMAN NEEDS SHAPING YOUR LIFE

The Six Human Needs were originally introduced by Anthony Robbins. Tony had always been fascinated with human motivation and behavior. As a result he studied Neural Linguistic Programming, Cognitive Therapy, Gestalt Therapy and many other therapies of the time.

Every day you make certain decisions and take specific actions that come about as a result of how you think, feel and the habits you tend to indulge in.

Most of the time you probably don’t give these decisions or actions a second thought. You probably don’t even contemplate why you did what you did. And that’s okay. There’s nothing wrong with that.

We naturally tend to filter out these details in order to focus on the most important things in our lives. However, there are certain advantages to knowing — to understanding what in particular motivated you to take that action or make that decision.

And this is where the Six Human Needs come into the picture.

The Six Human Needs are not desires or wants. They are psychological “needs” that we constantly work to satisfy on a mostly unconscious level of awareness. These Six Human Needs are the factors that influence your deepest motivations and effectively determine how you go about prioritizing your decisions and actions throughout your life.

In fact, every single day of your life you are unconsciously striving to meet these “needs” with varied success.

When these needs are met at a high level, you experience a great deal of happiness and fulfillment in your life. On the other hand, when these needs are not met at a high level, you will tend to feel unfulfilled and dissatisfied. However, because all this happens on an unconscious level of awareness, you probably don’t even realize why you’re feeling this way.

Your life seems okay on the surface, however something is just not right. Nothing you do seems to make you happy, and life in general just seems as though it’s missing important elements that you can’t seem to identify.

 

So what are these Six Human Needs?

Well, let’s take a very quick look at them right now before exploring them details later on:

• Certainty: Here you are striving to experience comfort and gain certainty in your life in order to minimize the stress of uncertainty.
• Uncertainty: Here you are striving for a little variety and uncertainty in your life in order to relieve boredom, predictability and stagnation.
• Significance: Here you are striving to gain a sense of significance and importance in the eyes of others. Your objective is to create a sense of identity.
• Connection: Here you are striving to make deep connections with people. You have a need to love and be loved by others. You also have a need to belong.
• Growth: Here you are striving to learn, experience and grow mentally, emotionally and spiritually in a variety of ways throughout your life.
• Contribution: Here you are striving to contribute to something greater than yourself. This is all about adding value to other people’s lives.

 

Balancing and Prioritizing Your Human Needs

In order to make the Six Human Needs work for you, you must first identify whether or not your current actions, choices and decisions are aligned with how you would like to prioritize your needs.

Ask yourself:

Based on my current life circumstances, how should I prioritize my needs?

 

Do I value certainty over uncertainty? Why? Why not?

 

Do I value significance over connection? Why? Why not?

 

Do I value connection over certainty? Why? Why not?

 

Do I value certainty over significance? Why? Why not?

 

What kinds of choices and decisions am I currently making?

 

How do these choices and decisions reflect how I subconsciously prioritize my needs?

 

Are my current choices and decisions in conflict with how I would like to prioritize my needs? What specific problems might be evident?

 

Am I experiencing enough growth in my life? If not, then how could I focus on satisfying this need to a higher degree in the future?

 

Is there enough room in my life to explore the need for contribution? How?

 

In the end, the whole purpose of this entire process is to help you transform your behavior in positive ways so that you can find more happiness and fulfillment in your life. And this all begins with an understanding of your Six Human Needs.

There’s literally so much that could be discussed here. In fact an entire book could be written about this subject. This short article certainly doesn’t give the topic of the Six Human Needs justice. However, I hope that it has provided you with some insights that you can work with to help balance and re-prioritize your life in more helpful and positive ways.

The above article is an exerpt from:
AN IN-DEPTH EXPLORATION OF THE SIX HUMAN NEEDS SHAPING YOUR LIFE
by Adam Sicinski

Johnnie Urban SI, MNLP, MHt, MTT

As a passionate Strategic Interventionist Johnnie Urban is trained extensively in the 6 Human Needs and use these as a basis with all her coaching clients. Coupled with being a part of the Tony Robbins environment since 2001 we can actually say that she is somewhat of an expert in showing people how to recognize how these show up in their lives.

 

I found this article and thought you would like it.

Comedians are the ultimate public speakers. Here’s what you can learn from them.

 

 

 

 

Mike Michalowicz
Author, Profit First
MAY 04, 2012

Comedians are the ultimate public speakers. They have to hold an audience’s attention for an hour or more. They don’t get a break during their talks, and they don’t get to lean on the audience for Q&A. They are expected to make the audience laugh constantly. And they don’t even get to use a PowerPoint bullet list of discussion points.
Comedians know that the secret to keeping an audience engaged is following the commandments of powerful public speaking. Here are their secrets.

1. Humbling personal stories. As a general rule, an audience will envy someone “above” them, connect with someone “like” them, and support someone “below” them. Any degree of arrogance will result in a disengaged audience. Comedians often open up their acts by sharing a humbling or even humiliating story. Not only is it funny, but it shows the audience that they are just a regular Joe. And regular Joes get support from the audience.

2. Just say no to PowerPoint. How often do you see a comedian using the PowerPoint crutch? Pretty much never. Unless, of course, they are making fun of PowerPoint. Comedians know that the best pictures are the ones that you draw in people’s minds. They also know that they want the audience looking at them, not trying to read a screen. Comedians use detailed descriptions, storytelling, body movement, voice tonality and props (that microphone stand can serve a million purposes).

3. Gesticulation. They say that the spoken word is only 5 percent of communication (Personally, I don’t know who “they” are, but I think they are right.) The remainder of communication is in our tone, pitch, facial gestures, and body movements. Comedians know that on stage, it is hard for people to see the minor expressions (e.g., subtle facial expressions), so they make big movements. Every body movement and facial expression is exaggerated so even the person with the worst seats in the house can see it clearly.

4. Laugh-cry-laugh. Like waves rolling in from the ocean, comedians know that the most engaged audiences need to have a release (laughter) and a recovery (a moment of calmness) before the next release (laughing again). As a public speaker, you may even want to move your audience through a little more of an emotional roller coaster. The laughing and crying keeps them connected and opens them up for you to deliver your knowledge and lessons.

5. No lectern. How often do you see comedians using a lectern? That’s right—never! A lectern serves no other purpose than to hide a speaker’s fidgety hands from the audience. The lectern is nothing but a big fat crutch. Avoid it like the plague, unless you use it as a prop.

6. No notes. When was the last time you saw a comedian pull out a notecard to see what their next joke was? A great speech is a prepared speech. Comedians practice their routines over and over, and you must do the same. You can use different mnemonic memory techniques to remember even the most complex speeches. Remember, if you take your eyes off of your audience, they will take their eyes off you. And that creates a disastrous speaking situation.

BONUS:

7. The loop-back. Ever notice that most comedians wrap up their routines by referencing some jokes from earlier on in their routine. I call this method “the loop-back.” Often these jokes come across as the funniest, because they reference something familiar (another joke from earlier in the routine). In the closing of your speech, make sure your refer back to the core content they just learned.

Just because comedians are master public speakers doesn’t mean you need to be a comedian to kill on stage. You aren’t even required to tell jokes (but a few thrown in here and there will surely help). Start to observe the techniques comedians use, and employ them in your own presentations. Set your DVR to record some stand-up material on Comedy Central or HBO and study it. If nothing else, you’ll at least have a few laughs during your training.

Who is your favorite comedian and what public-speaking tips can you learn from he or she?

Surround Yourself

Surround Yourself

I was reminded of this last week while I was reading a blog from Seth Godin.

The operative paragraph that REALLY got me to perk up was the fourth one.

The originality paradox
“There are a billion people trying to do something important for the first time. These people are connected by the net, posting, creating, daring to leap first.

It’s hard, because the number of people racing with you to be original is huge.

The numbers are so daunting that the chances that you will create something that resonates, spreads and changes the culture are really close to zero.

But it’s also certain that someone will. In fact, there’s a 100% chance that someone will step up with an action or a concept so daring that it resonates with us.

Nearly zero and certain. At the same time.

Pick your odds, decide what you care about and act accordingly.”

And when you surround yourself with people that see your greatness there’s a better chance you will succeed at ANYTHING.

Someone is going to step up with that resonating concept, It might as well be you.

The world needs more sensitve people, find out if you’re one of them => HSP

Blessings,

Johnnie Urban
The Sensitive Coach
www.EverythingHSP.com

There are several ways I work with clients:
-Individual coaching programs
-Group coaching programs
-Personalized programs

To schedule a time to learn more
about how I can help you,click here Stop The Madness and Thrive Session

Or send me an email message at info@wonderfullifelearning.com

Please visit my Facebook Page and post a
comment to say hello: Living As A Highly Sensitive Person

Women Sitting In Chair Deep In Thought
If you’re a highly sensitive person like me, you know little things can be too much. Busy environments, violent images in movies, or weekends with little downtime can stress you out. Because you’re so in tune with your environment and other people, life can be pretty exhausting, which makes you withdraw — and non-sensitives don’t understand.

But there’s nothing wrong with you and you’re not alone. High sensitivity is actually fairly common, found in 15 to 20 percent of the population, according to Dr. Elaine N. Aron, author of the book, The Highly Sensitive Person. Both introverts and extroverts can be sensitive, as well as people of all personality types.

Sadly, because many people don’t understand what high sensitivity is, you may have been told to “toughen up” or “just get over it.” You may have always felt different from other people, but you didn’t have a name for what you were.

High sensitivity can make life challenging but not impossible. When I’m in a routine and doing plenty of self-care, I forget about my sensitivity. But a recent trip reminded me of just how frazzled my senses can get. I was rushing from one activity to the next, hanging out in loud crowded restaurants, and meeting many new people. To top it all off, I wasn’t getting enough sleep or the kind of exercise that makes me feel good, like cardio and yoga. After five days of travel I was completely fried.

How can we as highly sensitive people cope with our trait? Here are 12 things we need:

1. Time to decompress
Noisy, busy environments — like a crowded mall during the holidays, a concert, or a big party — can wreak havoc on a sensitive person’s highly reactive nervous system. Likewise, packed schedules and high-pressure situations, like an article deadline or the first day in a new school, are overstimulating. If you know you’ll be in situation that will frazzle you, plan some time to decompress in a quiet space afterward. It’s best if you can be alone. Honestly, there are times I lock myself into the bathroom for a much needed break.

2. Meaningful relationships
We get bored or restless in relationships that lack meaningful interaction, according to Aron. This doesn’t mean we’re prone to relationship hopping, rather, we actually work harder to inspire intimacy and interesting conversation. It also means we’re selective about the people we let into our lives to begin with.
Interestingly, many sensitive people are great to be in a relationship with because they not only tune in to what’s good for them but also to what’s good for others. They pay close attention to what their significant other wants. Aron calls this characteristic “mate sensitivity,” which means the ability to rapidly figure out what pleases their partner and act based on that intel. This behavior goes for friends, family members, and co-workers as well.
Basically, it makes us happy to make others happy.

3. People who support us
Sensitive people may cry or become emotional a lot. “Sensitive people can’t help but express what they’re feeling,” Aron told the Huffington Post. “They show their anger, they show their happiness. Appreciating that is really important.”

4. A gentle, healthy way of managing conflict
No matter who you are, fighting with a loved one is miserable. But sensitive people tend to feel extra anxious when conflict arises — and an internal battle takes place. We feel torn between speaking up for what we believe is right and sitting back so we don’t provoke an angry reaction from the other person. Often we subjugate our own needs because we’d rather “go along to get along” than fight.
On the other hand, sensitive people can make great conflict resolvers, because we tend to see the other person’s perspective. We have high levels of empathy and can easily put ourselves in someone else’s shoes.

5. Time to get things done
Sensitive people like a slower pace of life. We like pondering all our options before making a decision and regularly reflecting on our experiences. We hate busy schedules and rushing from one event to the next.

One of the hardest parts of my day during the work week is getting moving in the morning and leaving my home on time. Saturday mornings, when I don’t have to work, are for going at my own pace. It’s calming and restorative to know I don’t have to be dressed and ready to go anywhere anytime soon.

6. Plenty of sleep
Lack of sleep (less than 7 hours a night, for most people) makes the average person irritable and less productive, but lack of sleep for the sensitive person can make life almost unbearable. Getting enough sleep soothes my ramped-up senses and helps me process my thoughts and emotions. How much sleep I get can literally make or break my next day. Without proper sleep, every little stressor seems ten times worse. HSP’s can have a difficult time getting to sleep as we tend to ruminate about our day. Here’s how you can get Heavenly Sleep.

7. Healthy meals spaced regularly throughout the day
When I don’t eat regularly, I get extremely hungry. This is because, according to Aron, extreme hunger can mess up a sensitive person’s mood or concentration. To fend off feelings of crankiness and discombobulation, maintain a steady blood sugar level throughout the day by eating regular healthy meals and snacks.

8. Caffeine-free options
Sensitive people (surprise, surprise) are sensitive to caffeine. I drink one cup of coffee in the morning to get me going, but I don’t have any caffeine past noon. Even a mug of green tea later in the day would leave me tossing and turning at night. Plus, having too much caffeine leaves me feeling jittery and wound up in an uncomfortable way.
If you’re sensitive, consider limiting your coffee, soda, and tea intake. Watch out for sneaky sources of caffeine, like chocolate. Remember, the darker the chocolate, the more caffeine. For example, Hershey’s Special Dark Chocolate Bar has a walloping 31 milligrams of caffeine, almost as much as a can of Coke!

9. A space of our own
If you live with others, make sure you have a quiet place you can retreat to when you need to get away from noise and people. Turn on your favorite music to drown out any unpleasant external noise.

Dimmer switch

10. Low lighting
If possible, turn off the overhead lights in your home or office and substitute a lamp. I had my husband put a dimmer switch in our bathroom so that the light wouldn’t be so bright first thing in the morning.

11. Time to adjust to change
Transitions aren’t easy for anybody. (Hey! Who wants to stop the madness?) But for sensitive people, transitions can be really rough. Even positive changes, like starting a new relationship or moving into a dream home, can be overstimulating and require an extra long period of adjustment. For example, when we moved a couple of years ago, into our wonderful new home with a view I literally felt off-kilter for months until I got used to my new situation.

12. Beauty and nature
Like most sensitive people, I’m deeply affected by my surroundings, especially the way they look. Cluttered, chaotic, or just plain ugly environments bother me. I feel calm spending time in nature, my city’s favorite neighborhoods, or my simply decorated home (especially when it’s actually clean and tidy!).

When it comes down to it, the key is to embrace your sensitivity rather than work against it. Sensitive people make incredible leaders, partners, and friends. We have high levels of empathy and we’re usually creative and perceptive. Maybe the world could use a little more of what we have.

Are you a highly sensitive person? What do you need? Let me know in the comments below or chat with me on the new Facebook page, Living as A Highly Sensitive Person.